Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
