are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Dignity is for republicans.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
