you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
