Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
