the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
