Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Im part way to drunk.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
