i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
