I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
