I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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