I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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