Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
