Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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