I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
