In the future we'll all be gay
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
