I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize