Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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