I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
