no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
