u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
