I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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