Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
