dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
