Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
