Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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