I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
