Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
