normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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