My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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