Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
