Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
