I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
