One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
