she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well I just put wine in my tea
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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