saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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