wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
