I can feel you judging me through the phone.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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