Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
