remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
