do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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