they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
