You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
