update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i think im in europe. pls send help
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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