I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
