I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
