I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
