i don't plan on having that self control this summer
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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