he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
