Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
