fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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