im gay
i know
yea but for you.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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