So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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