His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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