You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The power of my boobs compel you
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
