Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
