I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
