I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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