i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
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