Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
