ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I want to fling myself into the sun
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
