Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
