to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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