I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
