if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
