You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
