I don't usually arrange sex via text message
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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